What is the Antidote to Loneliness?
Do you feel lonely? Is loneliness affecting you in your life? What can you do to combat loneliness?
I believe the antidote to loneliness is connection. And I believe that as a society we need to revive the act of connecting by becoming more present with the people around us.
Our modern world hasn’t helped with this because although technology is wonderful in so many different ways, we are becoming a society that is absorbed in constantly looking at our smartphones and screens etc.
Even sitting down altogether as a family in the evening. Hands up if you have noticed how you can be all sitting on the sofa with the TV on and everyone in the room is totally absorbed in looking at their phones or iPad or whatever tech you use.
My hand is up is yours? I’ve been guilty of this have you?
Barbara Fredrickson talks about what she calls being in ‘a cocoon of self-absorption’. We get so easily lost in our own thought bubbles that we forget to exit this cocoon and therefore we miss out on a huge part of our humanity.
So what can we do?
In her book ‘Love 2.0’ Fredrickson talks about creating ‘micro moments’ of positive connection. Tiny moments in the day when you connect in a positive way with someone else. And this can be with a total stranger.
Maybe it’s the person at the checkout and you smile and comment on what you’ve bought or something else that catches your eye.
Perhaps it’s the person you meet at the photocopier at work and you smile and make some comment about what you’re working on or ask them what they are working on.
Or it could be the person in the waiting room that you make eye contact with and smile at.
These micro moments don’t have to be long; science has proven that even 20 – 30 seconds is enough to boost your body’s neuro chemistry and vagal tone (which is wonderful for our wellbeing)
I’ve been making an effort to create more of these micro moments of positive connection in my everyday life and training myself to find them.
Jayne Bell
For example on my daily walk I will smile and make eye contact at other people out for a walk and it often leads to a micro conversation with someone.
And it always leaves me feeling so good. I never feel bad afterwards and I’m sure the person I connect with feels good too!
And with my own family I am connecting more. I am consciously aware that I am now looking for these micro moments to connect and be fully present in their lives.
I have been guilty of talking to my family and my body being there but my head wandering off into my own thoughts and thinking about what I should be doing instead, thinking of the next thing on my list that I should really be getting on with.
Just the other evening my daughter and I snuggled up on the sofa just the two of us and no phones. She’s 18 and I can’t remember the last time we did that. It was so lovely just being there together and chatting about her day and how she was feeling and just stuff. Just snuggling on the sofa. Just connecting. Just Being.
So my challenge to you is to see if you can create a micro moment of positivity with someone today.
Science is clear about the positive effects of connection on our well being. It’s one of the most important things we need to do in order to live a happier and more fulfilled life.
So let’s turn loneliness on its head and create a world we can flourish in.
Exit that cocoon of self-absorption today and go out and connect with someone.
Then repeat tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that, and the day after that, and on, and on, and on……..
Love Jayne xx
PS – I’d love you to join my friendly community in my Facebook group A Calmer Mind, A Happier You. I’m in there most days sharing information on mindset and how you can live a happier, more fulfilled life. Click the link here to join.
PPS - If you want to contact me to learn more about working together click here.
