Love…..but not as you know it!
February has long been recognised as the month of Love when we look forward to date nights, going out for meals and all the things we usually associate with Valentines. I wanted to write about love but not the way we usually think about it.
We usually think about love as being how much we can give to others and how much we love others in our lives. As a busy mum I know I spend lots of time doing this. I wanted to write about how we can love ourselves and I don’t mean this in a vain way of looking in the mirror and thinking about how wonderful we are!
What I mean by loving ourselves is taking care of ourselves and respecting ourselves and acknowledging our needs. Self-care is often viewed as being lazy and selfish but in actual fact it is essential for our wellbeing otherwise we could end up burning out and not being able to look after the people we love, let alone ourselves!
One of the most important ways to love and nurture yourself is to notice how you speak to yourself. The words we use really do have a powerful effect on us.
Maybe you are constantly telling yourself that you never have enough time, that you are bad at something, that you are not good enough, that it will never happen for you. Perhaps you are belittling yourself, getting cross with yourself, reminding yourself you can’t do something. These negative, hurtful words have a massive impact on us because we are listening. We really are listening to every word.
There’s a part of the brain called the Reticular Activating System and very simply this is a filter that sorts the information we take in every day. It searches for the information that is relevant to us based on what we believe, what we desire, what we think.
So if you say to yourself “I don’t have enough time” your Reticular Activating System will look for evidence to back this up and confirm to you that yes you don’t have enough time. You don’t have enough time to get done what you want, or to have that bath, or to look after yourself or to spend quality time with loved ones and then you will stay stuck experiencing this reality.
So I want you to acknowledge the way you speak to yourself, and change those words and use words that show love, kindness and compassion. If you find this difficult, one of the ways to help is to imagine you are talking to a 4 year old child. You would never tell a 4 year old child they are useless and stupid so don’t say it to yourself. Show yourself some love and compassion and only use words that you would say to your 4 year old self. Reminding yourself you are making progress, telling yourself you are doing the best that you can, saying to yourself that you can do the things you want to and celebrating each little success.
When you speak to yourself in this way your brain will then look for evidence to support this and back this up and thus our confidence and self-belief grows and we experience a different reality.
One of my favourite ways of doing this is to use affirmations or mantras . These are usually phrases that are positive and inspiring and help us to achieve our goals. You need to state your outcome in the present tense or as a fact that’s already happened, you need to repeat the affirmation several times a day and you need to say it with conviction and belief.
They work because we learn by repetition and we are always listening to what we say. Examples could be, “I am loved”, “I am worthy of success”, “I am confident and capable at what I do”, “I am in charge of my thoughts and I don’t judge myself”, “Whenever I fall I get back up again”, “Every experience I have is perfect for my growth”, “I am good enough and I am fine with just being me”.
So try it today and notice the difference it makes.
If it’s time to think in a different way or to speak to yourself in a way that’s more loving, kind and empowering then please click here to get in touch to find out how solution focused hypnotherapy can help.
You can also join my FREE Facebook group A Calmer Mind, A Happier You to learn more about the importance of your mindset in living a happy and fulfilling life.
Love Jayne
